Yoshi’s gonna get the ‘betes if he’s not careful. Well, at least he quit his medical practice. PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous PUBLISHER: Nintendo DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Puzzle RELEASE DATE: April 1993 Yoshi’s Cookie is broken, has jarring difficulty spikes, and is a really stupid idea for a puzzle game. … Continue reading #748 – Yoshi’s Cookie
“What do I hear for this swingin’ bachelor, ladies? As you can see by the mop, he’s not afraid to do a little housework!” Toxie’s mop should take care of those piddly shotguns. PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Bandai DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Beat-em-up RELEASE DATE: April 1992 Toxic Crusaders is trash, … Continue reading #680 – Toxic Crusaders
Poor Tetris. Even the COM isn’t doing that well. PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous PUBLISHER: Nintendo DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Puzzle RELEASE DATE: October 1993 The original Tetris for the NES is a complete work, perfect inasmuch as any game can be perfect. So why Tetris 2? Perhaps a Tetris sequel … Continue reading #657 – Tetris 2
The beef and the buns look exactly the same. “Short Order,” my eye. It’ll take you a half hour and a couple heart attacks to build a burger with the pig’s specifications.* PLAYERS: 1-5 alternating PUBLISHER: Nintendo DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Mini-games RELEASE DATE: December 1989 As a Power … Continue reading #565 – Short Order/Eggsplode!
Warning: Zapper does not fire actual lasers. Welp, I’m horrified. Well done, Shooting Range. PLAYERS: 1-4 alternating PUBLISHER: Bandai DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Light gun RELEASE DATE: June 1989 Today’s outdoor “shooting range” implies real guns, earplugs, and precious antique cans. According to Bandai, a Shooting Range is a … Continue reading #564 – Shooting Range
The eternal struggle… Slice that ball good! PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous PUBLISHER: Jaleco DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Sports RELEASE DATE: October 1988 A tennis game called Racket Attack? I suppose that makes sense, even if it is a little boring. In my opinion, Racket Attack should be about an old … Continue reading #508 – Racket Attack
The sport of bloody, toothless kings! Pipe down in there, #32! PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous PUBLISHER: Jaleco DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Sports RELEASE DATE: November 1993 If you’re a hockey aficionado or if you just like beating people up atop sheets of ice, Pro Sport Hockey has you covered!… for … Continue reading #490 – Pro Sports Hockey
What’s your pinball fantasy? Pinball Quest scores bonus points for delicious puns. “Ow, my face!” PLAYERS: 1-4 alternating PUBLISHER: Jaleco DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Pinball RELEASE DATE: June 1990 If you only bow down before one Pinball King on the NES, please, make it Pinball Quest. … Continue reading #478 – Pinball Quest
Throwing a shuriken (even a poorly drawn one) at the television is never a good idea, kids. See those candles? Spark ’em with your flame buddy to ditch this catacomb. PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Bandai DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Arcade platformer RELEASE DATE: October 1986 Ninja Kid would be downright … Continue reading #451 – Ninja Kid
Stars and stripes forever, hopefully not forever. The Power Bowl, brought to you by High Society. PLAYERS: 1-4 simultaneous (Multitap time!) PUBLISHER: Nintendo DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Sports RELEASE DATE: September 1990 It’s probably wrong for a non-football fan to review a football game, but despite what my … Continue reading #441 – NES Play Action Football
How did a mouse become a police officer in a land overrun with evil cats? There are almost always four ascending floors like this in each stage. PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Taxan DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Arcade RELEASE DATE: April 1989 Mice running away from cats, collecting wedding rings and baseballs, … Continue reading #393 – Mappy-Land
Ultimate Muscleruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!! Methinks this match is a little unfair. PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous PUBLISHER: Bandai DEVELOPER: TOSE GENRE: Wrestling RELEASE DATE: October 1986 M.U.S.C.L.E. stands for Most Unusually Small Creatures Lurking Everywhere. It isn’t the most apt description for a wrestling game starring the masked, uh, things from “Ultimate Muscle” … Continue reading #382 – M.U.S.C.L.E.