More sports for the price of less!
PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous
RELEASE DATE: 1991
I’m not a sports fan, so having to play four sports games back-to-back is the equivalent of snuggling with Pinhead for me. The games contained in Quattro Sports range from bland to terrible, in that order. Codemasters really wants to be viewed as a jack-of-all-trades developer, able to leap genres in a series of multi-cartridges. But why bother making half-hearted crap just to show that you can?
If there’s one feature Baseball Pros provides to the player, it’s choice. Check out these fake teams with great names: Moscow Bears, New York Knockouts, Hawaiian Volcanoes, Peking Dragons, and my personal cringe-worthy favorite, Mexico City Sombreros. There’s more too, but these are all you need, really. I picked the Moscow Bears and, offensively, I rocked hit after hit. Defensively, my Bears needed a trap or two to get their behinds moving; slow bumbling oafs, they were. These Baseball Pros aren’t Baseball Stars, but they get the job done.
Put on your helmet. Brush the dirt off your shoulder. Get your swagger back. Go! Straddle those turns! Make a pass at a girl in a car! Accelerate, brake, don’t choke!!!…
Don’t you hate BMX accidents? Those handle-grippin’ extreme bike jockeys are always wrecking their rides, and now, thanks to BMX Simulator, you can know how it feels. If you’ve ever super off-roaded before, expect the same miniature races here. Be sure to pick Jarissa too. She’s constantly harassed for her unusual name, but she’s a BMX superstar.
Yup, Soccer Simulator simulates soccer alright. The creativity lacking in the title should clue you in to the amount of effort put into the game. It’s rudimentary, bare-bones soccer with no stats or features to speak of; “simulator,” my eye. Then again, if any of that stat crap was featured here, I’d be annoyed too. Did I mention I don’t care for sports game? Yeah, Soccer Simulator hasn’t changed that.
If the artisans at Codemasters are to be believed, the sport of tennis is the most difficult to recreate virtually. Why can’t I serve the ball without a fault? If I serve the ball too high, it goes too far. If I serve too low, it hits the net. I tried finding the imaginary sweet spot in the middle and I flubbed completely. Once the computer began serving the ball to me, I couldn’t hit it in the court to save my life. At this rate, I wouldn’t even be able to make it as a ball boy. And I don’t care.
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9 replies on “#501 – Quattro Sports”
As the manager of the Mexican City Sombreros, I would like to say that…”quattro” is Spanish for “four”.
Two things about the baseball part of the game that really sizzled my sphincter… the shortstop is glued to second base and does not move. The bat also looks like it is need of Viagra.
The biggest nut in this mountain of crap comes in the soccer part. One of the countries you can select is West Germany. This game came out TWO YEARS after the fall of the Berlin Wall and the reunification of Germany.
And it’s like, I could forgive the North American version that came out in 1991 because it was probably developed in 1990, but it never occurred to anyone to delete the word “West” in either of the two European revisions?!
@Barry: Well done! Thanks for the insight! 😉
@Latchkey Nerds: I did not see that in the soccer game, but that is horrible. Quattro Fail.
I don’t understand the “fuel-thirsty” parts in the BMX review. You’re talking about motorcycles, but isn’t this a bicycle race…?
Uh yeah, woops. Thanks for the note. I shall change that post-haste
First of all, thanks for your work on this site. It’s a great source for someone like me that want to find some old gem.
About that specific case, however, I feel like you underrated that collection.
I can’t judge Baseball, I don’t like the sport and I am not interested in it.
I feel exactly like you about Tennis, truly unplayable.
BUT… It’s not all a trash.
Soccer IS a “good enough” game, smooth and playable at the cost of the extreme simplicity. I like it enough and, who cares about West or East Germany, it lacks completely of ITALY, and I’m italian but…who cares.
I think that all the NES soccer games are pretty bad, and I don’t see this one SO MUCH worse against all the others
And then… BMX Simulator. This game is a gem. Because of that game, the purchase of that cartridge is deserved.
BMX Simulator is really playable, both solo and multiplayer! TODAY it’s still a great game.
I loved the MSX version (released in 1986 i think), and the NES version is a good improvement of that lovely game.
So, if you guys see it on Ebay, buy it and don’t worry if the other 3 games aren’t for your taste. THIS one will make you happy.
Hey Paolo, thanks for the comment! It’s been awhile since I’ve played BMX Simulator or any of these other games. Codemasters really are good developers, but they don’t always make the best games. That being said, I’d be willing to give BMX Simulator another shot.
This game is the best in multiplayer, if I am not wrong that NES version let 3 players to play together 🙂