#412 – Metal Mech: Man & Machine

Embrace the melding of impossibility!

PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Jaleco

DEVELOPER: Sculptured Software

GENRE: Action

RELEASE DATE: March 1991

Metal Mech is the definition of a pointless game where nothing really happens. You star as Joe Q. Sixpack, a renegade fighter who’s attached at the hip to his mech. And why shouldn’t he be? The Metal Mech is pretty much unstoppable, even when its weapons aren’t being used. I played through the first level without shooting anything and my life bar – which consists of four health packs that change colors as you’re damaged – barely deteriorated. Yes, stomping your way through each level as the Metal Mech is the way to go, but unfortunately, there will be times that Joe needs to jump out of the mech and get a power-up or a key (keys are the only way to actually leave the level). Joe is a simple human living in a world ravaged by killer robots, so understandably, his health decreases more rapidly as he gets hit. Praises be that Joe’s life bar and the mech’s are different. If you decide you actually want to shoot something, you need to press ‘A’ and point in the direction you want to shoot with the ‘D pad.’ It’s a little uncomfortable at first, but you’ll quickly realize that shooting is not necessary to progression. All there is to Metal Mech is crushing your way through each level, collecting the key, and moving on. If it weren’t for the key collection, there would be no objectives whatsoever; there’s not even a point system. In conclusion, I didn’t so much hate Metal Mech as I wondered why Joe’s love affair with his mech needed to be brought to the Nintendo.

D