“So I was just walking down the road, right? And this guy threw a Bard’s Tale cartridge at me!”
I sentence you to cast this game into oblivion.
DEVELOPER: Atelier Double
GENRE: Computer RPG
RELEASE DATE: November 1991
The story is your typical “band of misfits goes against an evil ruler” with one exception: your absolutely fabulous bard. Because the bard’s singing often raises your attack or strength during battles, they are arguably the most important member of your party. It’s a nice change from the warrior taking all of the pixelated glory, but it’s the only real innovation in the game. The rest is sloooooow going, as all of the mid-’80s fantasy RPG tropes are nestled firmly within the game’s CPU bosom. You want to buy weapons for your party in a quick and timely fashion? Think again! You want to fight enemies that aren’t insanely harder than you? Not possible! Methinks the Bard should have kept this slow-paced tale on the computer. It’s a literal slog.