#457 – Operation Secret Storm

This aggression will not stand, man.

PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Color Dreams

DEVELOPER: Color Dreams

GENRE: Action

RELEASE DATE: 1992

Color Dreams/Wisdom Tree has published some of the finest dreck the NES has to offer, but Operation Secret Storm is a war crime of the highest order. You play as Agent George B, a CIA agent who’s charged with taking down Saddam Hussein and his terrorist buddies. Ten levels of Iraq-destroying ensue, with magic carpet rides, nude attacking men, and Saddam himself in two different forms. On a world scale of crazy, with “America” being boring and “Japan” reality-questioning, Operation Secret Storm is probably stationed in North Korea: with time and treatment, it could be rehabilitated. Crazy enemies and ideas don’t sell without substantial gameplay, and Secret Storm has none. Each level is short and poorly designed, consisting of some vaguely Middle-Eastern backgrounds, a couple handfuls of enemies, and a boss. Once two or three enemies are on the screen, Secret Storm halts and you’re forced to piledrive the natives. Combat involves kicking, knifing or tossing grenades as poorly as possible (where is my gun? I’m a CIA agent!). The enemies’ movements are erratic, which makes hitting them a crapshoot and the controls have zero balance; Agent George often skitters across the screen, presumably for his own amusement. If George Bush-er, “George B.” was chosen to complete this mission based on his combat skills and keeping calm in tense situations, America would be in Saddam’s hands now. Thankfully, Operation Secret Storm is a video game, and we never have to think about it again.

F