#049 – Bad Dudes

Delivering what it promises and very little else.
If you don’t like what I’m saying, then won’t you slap my face?
Soviet strongmen win again.

PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous



GENRE: Beat-em-up


“The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save the President?” Duke Nukem says this in what has got to be one of the best opening lines in any NES game ever. Unfortunately, I was not a “bad enough dude” to save the President. The ninjas kept coming at me hard and fast, and they throw things at you that you can’t hardly see, and you wonder, “Why didn’t I just pick up Double Dragon?” As “Bad Dude” Billy or Striker, your only weapons are your fists or feet against ninjas who can throw barely visible shurikens, ground weapons (the proper name fails me), and all around beat you up without realizing it. It makes sense that you would only have a small range of moves, but for the love of criminy, would it kill them to give the dudes a little more health? Your health wastes away quicker than a piece of Bubble Yum. If you can stand losing lives for ridiculous reasons, you can advance through the game fairly well. Continues are plentiful, and you always start over right where you die. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to play this game with another person, which would have made a significant difference. Bad Dudes can be beaten, but again, without a beloved comrade “dude-ing” it up by your side, there’s little reason to.


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5 replies on “#049 – Bad Dudes”

Bad Dudes is just plain bad. As in terrible, horrible, appalling, nightmare-inducing, etc. I remember I thought this game was so freaking awesome as a kid, but now I see it for what it really is.
That opening line is probably the funniest sentence in the history of everything. “The president has been kidnapped by ninjas.” Words can’t even describe the hilarity.


I loved this game as a kid. I also loved slurpees that consisted of a small pull from each flavour. Conclusion: I was an idiot of a kid.

I love and always have loved Bad Dudes whether it was arcade version, NES version, or the new one I have for the X-Box as part of a collection it never gets old. You also left out the line (it may not have been on NES version) about Rampant Ninja related crimes (or something like that). Cracked me the hell up.

All these old school video games crack me up, especially the endings. I tried this one out on my Mac nes emu the other day. I did get to have burgers with President Ronnie after icing the last ninja. But they gave me the runs.

Damned salmonella. Why those shitty video game White House patrons can’t just wash their frickin video game hands I’ll never know.

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