#356 – Last Action Hero

To cone a phrase.

PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Sony Imagesoft

DEVELOPER: Teeny Weeny Games

GENRE: Action

RELEASE DATE: October 1993

I don’t know if any Schwarzenegger fan would argue against “Last Action Hero” being one of Arnold’s lesser films, and I pray that no NES fan would argue against Last Action Hero being one of the worst games for the NES. I know Total Recall takes a lotta heat for being a major stinkbomb that also happens to be based on an Arnold film, and rightfully so. But, if I may, lend me your eyes and your judgments: Last Action Hero is at least as smelly as Total Recall and possibly smellier.

Let’s put aside the bad graphics (is that you inside that sunglasses-wearing little person, Arnold?), the derivative gameplay (punch, punch, punch), and the surprisingly competent soundtrack (“Hamlet” stage, I’ll be darned) and focus entirely on the hit detection. First mistake: Arnold can’t punch someone without taking at least one hit. Ever. Since the enemies constantly regenerate and come at you or are located where you can’t hit them in the level, your lives will go down like so many shattered pelvises. I’d honestly be surprised if this game was beatable without a Game Genie. It’s just that cheap. For those wondering about my own progress, I got to the second stage, made it to the end boss, died, continued, made it to the end boss again, died, called it a day.

The reason you never hear of this game making any “worst” lists is probably because no one played it or wanted to play it. Last Action Hero is, obviously, based on “Last Action Hero,” one of the biggest box-office bombs of 1993. The game was released months after the movie on a system that was all but dead at the time. I’d be surprised and elated if it only sold five copies.

F