#159 – Darkman

Why yes, it did just get incredibly dark in here.
Stop drop and roll, Darkman!
Darkman and a trucker square off.

PLAYERS: 1-2 alternating


DEVELOPER: Painting By Numbers

GENRE: Action

RELEASE DATE: October 1991

Ocean can proudly take its place by THQ and LJN in the Trifecta of 8-Bit Unholiness. Darkman, like most licensed games based on decent-to-outstanding intellectual properties, is a disaster: atrocious controls, poor graphics, rushed gameplay. Like most poorly made games, this one is needlessly difficult and there’s an obnoxious time limit. I think that about covers it. Darkman runs like he’s constantly on oil and he can’t jump to save his life – literally. His attacks are a mere punch and kick that only connect half the time; if you’ve ever played Urban Champion, you know where Ocean got their inspiration for the battle system. Darkman himself looks like Uncle Fester – isn’t he supposed to be wearing a mask, not fifty pounds of white makeup? The real two-word question of the day is, why bother? There’s nothing to separate this game from any other pile of feces-ridden, licensed dreck that the NES was subjected to one too many times over its nine-year lifespan. “Darkman” did poorly at the box-office, which is something of a double-edged sword. While I wish the film had performed better, I’m glad the poor box-office gross probably lead to negative sales for this game. Someone should TAKE this game and DRAG IT TO HELL.


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3 replies on “#159 – Darkman”

Gave this a shot (thanks to emulation of course) just because I liked the movie. Mistake. The best part was on level 2 or 3 where you’re jumping around Central Park on a bright sunny day with pink fish leaping out of the water at you. I don’t know, just something about that aesthetic didn’t really scream DARKMAN.

The punches don’t connect all the time because they’re rhythm based ( I didn’t get it the first time either), also, the jumping in Darkman requires you to have a running start to get distance. I can beat this game in about 10-15 min ( which I’ve done several times). The time limit for each stage is based on how well you do during the picture-taking mini-game. If you don’t get enough pictures your mask will suck and as a result will not last as long (just like the movie and the comic books).

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