Future so bullet-filled, you gotta wear shades.
Think I’ll pass.
PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous
RELEASE DATE: September 1992
Contra by way of some mediocre shooter that’s not Contra. Seriously, what happened? The basic formula of Contra – run and shoot – should, in theory, be easy to repeat, but this game certainly feels “forced” (every inch of that pun intended). It’s cool that you can pick from four different homeboys, but I wish they didn’t look like drop-out frat jocktards. Each character plays the same, so pick the one that makes you feel like the least amount of choad. Since all you do is shoot guys and avoid obstacles, why does the game feel bland? No power-ups, your guns aren’t that good, and the game is way, way, way (way?… way) harder than the first one. I didn’t get a chance to “brah” it up on two-player, but the game doesn’t feel as expansive as the first, so I’m not sure adding another player to these close levels would be that worthwhile. Can you imagine trying to get two people through the spike smashers? I feel “impaled” just thinking about it. Still, Contra games are meant to be played with another person and since I failed to do that, why am I writing this review? Because it comes after the first Contra and I take my games like I take my meat: in alphabetical order (why does alpaca always come first? It’s so tough and stringy).