#309 – Isolated Warrior

  Pink was really the warrior’s choice back then. Perhaps the color warded off such disturbing creatures as that skull/brain entity in the background.                                                                        When I think of shooters and explosions, I don’t think of Lisa Frank.   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: NTVIC DEVELOPER: Kid GENRE: Action/shooter RELEASE DATE: February 1991   Isn’t … Continue reading #309 – Isolated Warrior

#308 – Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II

  Yes, that’s Fabio, holding a decidedly faux-iron sword. He really did take this picture near an erupting volcano, though.     Birds drop dookies on your head. Believe it or not, the dooks really do penetrate through steel. Acid dooks.   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Acclaim DEVELOPER: Rare GENRE: Action/adventure RELEASE DATE: December 1989   … Continue reading #308 – Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II

#307 – Iron Tank: The Invasion of Normandy

                                                                                              James Woods as the Foul-Mouthed Tank Operator                                         You think those tanks are going to let your iron butt through?! TAKE ‘EM THE @!@! OUT!   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: SNK DEVELOPER: SNK GENRE: Action RELEASE DATE: July 1988   There’s nothing wrong with invading Normandy every now and again, especially if … Continue reading #307 – Iron Tank: The Invasion of Normandy

#306 – Infiltrator

                                                                                                                                     Helicopter’s coming for you, son!                                          You’ve interrupted the guard’s calisthenics. You shall now pay the ultimate price.   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Mindscape DEVELOPER: Chris Gray Enterprises GENRE: Flight-sim/action-adventure RELEASE DATE: January 1990   I’m not sure whether I should take this helicopter simulator/spy game seriously. For starters, the lead character’s name … Continue reading #306 – Infiltrator

#159 – Danny Sullivan’s Indy Heat

                                                                  Looking at this cover makes me want to mow down on some Red Vines.     This small situation could spell a disaster. Luckily, all those cars spinning around the track is cause for hurrah!   PLAYERS: 1-4 simultaneous PUBLISHER: Tradewest DEVELOPER: Rare GENRE: Racing RELEASE DATE: August 1992   What if you … Continue reading #159 – Danny Sullivan’s Indy Heat

#304 – Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

                                                                                            Harrison Ford’s like “Yeah, I’ll pass.”                                                      A lot of effort went into making those children look as soulless as possible.   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Mindscape/Tengen DEVELOPER: Atari Games GENRE: Action RELEASE DATE: December 1988   The film “Temple of Doom” is generally considered the weakest of the original Indiana Jones … Continue reading #304 – Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

#303 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Ubisoft)

  Why be creative when you can re-use the exact same background that Taito used for their equally toxic take on “The Last Crusade”?                                                                               Put your mind at ease: Indy can, and does, punch air in this game.   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Ubisoft DEVELOPER: NMS Software GENRE: Action RELEASE DATE: December 1993 … Continue reading #303 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Ubisoft)

#302 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Taito)

                                                                                                                                                      Don’t think he won’t shoot.                                                                                  Indy’s always had it out for the Naval Reserve.             PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Taito DEVELOPER: Software Creations GENRE: Action RELEASE DATE: March 1991   Like an unearthed piece of dinosaur dung that still retains its pungent scent, so too does this twenty-year-old Indiana Jones … Continue reading #302 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Taito)

#301 – The Incredible Crash Test Dummies

  Don’t be fooled: the game is actually composed of incredibly serious car crash tests. Fail any of them once, and the cartridge will send a signal to your NES, causing it to explode. Buckle up.                                                                             Or it’s your standard platformer, with bouncing tires for enemies.   PLAYERS: 1-2 alternating PUBLISHER: LJN … Continue reading #301 – The Incredible Crash Test Dummies

#300 – Impossible Mission II

                                 Contrary to the ridiculous box-art, you are not playing through a Japanese monster movie.                                              Yes, those are goofy Einstein/Wily/mad scientist heads in the background.   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: SEI DEVELOPER: Novotrade GENRE: Action/adventure RELEASE DATE: 1990   Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to navigate a dim-witted … Continue reading #300 – Impossible Mission II

#299 – The Immortal

                                                                                                           Will Har-vey! YOU… SHALL NOT… PASS!!!!                                                                                                               Halfway decent battle animations for the ol’ NES   PLAYERS: 1 PUBLISHER: Electronic Arts DEVELOPER: Sandcastle GENRE: Action/Adventure RELEASE DATE: November 1990   The Immortal is an old-school dungeon crawler of devious proportions. You play a wizard who must walk cautiously through a series … Continue reading #299 – The Immortal

#298 – Image Fight

  The space craft is placed just below the man’s crotch, where he can make sure it stays out of trouble.                                                                                                                                                      Will the thrills never cease?!   PLAYERS: 1-2 alternating PUBLISHER: Irem DEVELOPER: Irem GENRE: Shoot-em-up RELEASE DATE: July 1990   I was going to start off this review with a “this … Continue reading #298 – Image Fight