#616 – Stunt Kids

Our favorite kind of children.

PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous

PUBLISHER: Camerica

DEVELOPER: Codemasters

GENRE: Racing

RELEASE DATE: 1992

Nothing says “why God why” like a horrible unlicensed rip-off of Excitebike. Stunt Kids pits two stubby things (presumably children because they’re short, but they don’t appear human) against each other in a split screen duel to the motorbiking death; if you don’t have a second-player, an egregiously talented computer player will be provided for you. Despite the game’s moniker, there are no real stunts. If you can jump over the obstacles in each course while keeping your balance, you’re talented enough. Therein lies the problem: if you want to go fast, beat the clock and the CPU player, you’ll have to avoid every obstacle out there. If you hit anything, you’ll go flying off your bike, which shaves precious milliseconds off your time. Worse yet, it can be hard to gauge jump distances. Different courses have varying terrain with upward and downward slopes. When in doubt, it’s good to slant your bike upwards – if only because the computer does it so much, and they’re incredible. Your opponent, presuming they’re not human and flying off the bike alongside you, will never crash. They know the right speed and the right angle with which to steer their bike. It’s infuriating to watch the computer do so well, while your Stunt Kid gets sidelined by every nook and cranny of the track. That’s that. Codemasters typically produced some solid, if not illegal, games for the NES, but Stunt Kids is one you should forget about – presuming you’d ever heard of it in the first place.

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