#680 – Toxic Crusaders

 

“What do I hear for this swingin’ bachelor, ladies? As you can see by the mop, he’s not afraid to do a little housework!”

 

                             

                                                                Toxie’s mop should take care of those piddly shotguns.

 

PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Bandai

DEVELOPER: TOSE

GENRE: Beat-em-up

RELEASE DATE: April 1992

 

Toxic Crusaders is trash, and not the kind you smear on your television screen and call “art.” No, Toxic Crusaders is much more offensive. It’s a poorly crafted beat-em-up with dodgy hit detection, a busted attack, and none of the ridiculousness that made the movies/cartoon so… “memorable.” Naturally, you play as Toxie and your main weapon is a mop. The mop sounds cheesy, but it makes sense given the character. Get hit once, though, and that mop is gone, unless you die or move on to the next stage. Ever heard of a beat-em-up that gives you a weapon, only to strip you of it the moment you’re hit? Imagine the Turtles sans weaponry, and that’s about it.

 

Toxie is then stuck with a lousy punch, while his enemies shoot and throw acid in his face. All three of the enemies (not including bosses) have projectile attacks, which means your short-range punch does diddly unless you get right in their face. Since they bounce and bob constantly, you’ll be receiving hits more than you’ll be giving them. Cut-and-paste level design ensures that every level (save level 4, when you’re on a skateboard and your mop doesn’t disappear) has similar beats: three enemies, pause, barrels thrown at you, three enemies, barrels, six enemies, etc. The level backgrounds are nicely rendered (dig stage 2, with the moon that slowly ascends and makes the stage brighter), and the music will have you be-boppin’ and scattin’ all over the place. But these two positives aren’t enough to save Toxic Crusaders from its eventual home: an art installation. Or a garbage can, either way.

 

D-

 

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  • First time I visited on my phone. Your site looks great on mobile!

    • DylanCornelius

      Thanks!

  • Haha – oh man. Another stinker that made my brain hurt. 😛

  • Nesblower

    I liked this better than the Genesis/MD version

  • Beat em up? Oh Jesus, I'll must try it!

  • FieryReign

    I remember seeing screenshots for a SNES version, actually looked decent. You never know with Bandai though, they produced straight garbage in the 8-bit and early 16-bit days. The Sega version is no better…

  • Jeffery McDaniel

    I found this cart while on a business trip in NYC, so it holds a find place in my heart for that reason alone. I also like the cover art.

  • Robb K

    I actually grew up playing this game and tried my absolute hardest to enjoy it, but this (along with Mystical Quest and Faxanandu) was one of the games i owned that I just could not do anything with. The game sucks, I'm planning a replay of it soon though to see if I can surpass the progress I made as a child. Good, accurate review.