If you don’t like what I’m saying, then won’t you slap my face?
I’ll get back to ya on that, Duke.
PLAYERS: 1-2 simultaneous
PUBLISHER: Data East
DEVELOPER: Data East
RELEASE DATE: July 1990
“The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save the President?” Duke Nukem says this in what has got to be one of the best opening lines in any NES game ever. Unfortunately, I was not a “bad enough dude” to save the President. The ninjas kept coming at me hard and fast, and they throw things at you that you can’t hardly see, and you wonder, “Why didn’t I just pick up Double Dragon?” As “Bad Dude” Billy or Striker, your only weapons are your fists or feet against ninjas who can throw barely visible shurikens, ground weapons (the proper name fails me), and all around beat you up without realizing it. It makes sense that you would only have a small range of moves, but for the love of criminy, would it kill them to give the dudes a little more health? Your health wastes away quicker than a piece of Bubble Yum. If you can stand losing lives for retarded reasons, you can advance through the game fairly well. Continues are plentiful, and you always start over right where you die. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to play this game with another person, which would have made a significant difference. Bad Dudes can be beaten, but again, without a beloved comrade “dude-ing” it up by your side, there’s little reason to.